I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
