Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Two words: blizzard sex
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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