Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
The power of my boobs compel you
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
