yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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