If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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