Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
