Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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