well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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