If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
