He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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