I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
