i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
