Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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