he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
