I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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