You're my little dorito
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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