alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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