he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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