...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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