from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My liver just had a heart attack.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
