I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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