Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
