I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just cropdusted the office
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
