apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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