Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
