please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I FOUND THE LEGS
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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