eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
