I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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