apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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