u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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