Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
