I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
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I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
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I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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