I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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