My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
