We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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