i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
