I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
