Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
