pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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