As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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