if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
