Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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