Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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