You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
