I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize