Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.