Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.