We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
