I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
