Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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