To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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