I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Dear god my vagina.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
