i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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