Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Four minutes until I can fart!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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