I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
