Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
