in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
