I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
