i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
