um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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