Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
