dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
