Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
